Stutter

Like my braces, it’s probably something I notice more than other people do, but I always feel like my stutter is in the way.

It’s really comes out when I’m nervous, or excited, or talking quickly, or a combination of the three. But it really annoys me.

For example; I will be trying to tell a friend something important or exciting, and I can’t even get the first sentence out.  I always feel like I’m stood there for an age, stumbling and stuttering over a few meagre words, whilst the person to whom I am talking waits for me to make sense.

Or sometimes, it's not the stutter, but the order of my words. I've mixed them up a fair few times before. For example. I've said 'good quite' instead of 'quite good' several times, and today I said 'in his own on the corner'. I'm almost certain no one heard me, or at least people were nice enough not to comment on my mix up. But I noticed it, and I ended up getting a little angry at myself. Why is it that I can't manage to say my sentences properly when the people surrounding me have no trouble at all?

I know a lot of people have to deal with far worse, but I feel as though I’m the only one; I don’t know anyone who has real stutter. I mean, we all trip over our words every now and then, but no one has a proper, ‘diagnosed’ stutter.

As a child, I was taken to speech therapy sessions to try and improve my stutter. As I was three years old, I don’t remember this, but it clearly didn’t work. Or not for very long anyway.

As I’ve grown older, I think my impediment has grown more pronounced… maybe as I have grown bigger, it has too?

I think my biggest problem with my stutter is how it affects my day to day life; it’s not just when I’m nervous, although it does spike up in such situations. As I said before, I am aware people have to deal with far worse constantly, but it’s hard trying to talk to someone, just chatting, and having to restart what I’m trying to say.

It often leaves me dreading the next time I have to speak where my stutter is likely to make itself heard, and I almost always come away embarrassed over the fact it took me a while to say whatever it was I wanted to say.

I know it isn’t as noticeable to other people as it is to myself, but when I first noticed it, I couldn’t stop. It’s one of those things. I just hope that as I get older, my stutter doesn’t get worse. I feel that something like this, if worsened, could really affect me in all sorts of ways. And, I’m not going to lie, that worries me a little.

But I suppose it makes me individual. So that’s an upside I guess.

Snow

I remember when, 2 years ago, Britain descended into turmoil over the fact all the cabbages were buried under snow for several weeks.

It was plastered all over the news channels and newspapers as Britain struggled through the ‘Big Freeze’. I understand that snow can cause big problems for a lot of people for lots of different reasons, but I think the UK can live without cabbage for a few months or so.

I do think what happened 2 years ago was a bit of an overreaction; I know the freeze disrupted a lot of transport and caused the country to lose out on some vegetables, but the snow overruled many other important news stories for weeks and weeks.

Snow isn’t all bad; everyone, at some point, whether you’re young or old, has been sledging at some interval in their life. And for the small percentage of people of Britain who haven’t, you’ve at least thought about it. Come on.

I had the joy of going sledging last night although it didn’t last long; it was dark, I had a face full of snow and I was travelling at high speed and I ended up crashing into a goal post, which left me unable to get back up the hill. But whilst it was lasted, it was brilliant fun. I think there’s something about the prospect of racing down a hill on a thin sheet of plastic that gets everyone a little excited.

Another thing I love about the snow is the way it brightens everywhere up. This morning when I opened my curtains, I nearly had to shut them again; the sun reflecting off the snow, and the fact everywhere was perfect white was too much for my sleepy eyes. It was like staring directly at the sun everywhere you looked. But there’s nothing like the way the snow blankets absolutely everything. Roofs, trees, roads, paths, steps, cars, drive and even cats when they go out to inspect the snow. Mine came back as part snowball, part cat. It’s almost worth waking up early, just to see the unspoilt snow, before all the cars drive on it and people walk on it. My mum always refuses to let me and my sister in the back garden when it snows, simply because the lawn looks so pretty, with the bird prints on top. I don’t blame her really.

Last night, when I was sledging, I stood at the top of the hill, admiring the view. I could just about see the castle behind the snow covered trees, with the dark sky in the background. It looked fantastic; the white outline of the trees standing out against the muggy black sky. Then I climbed in my sled and sailed down the slope, clinging on for dear life.

So, snow does have its bad points, and I understand that, but personally I think the good points of snow outweigh the bad. You may as well enjoy it whilst is lasts, because then it just turns to rain again. Boring.

“Fixed Appliances”

When I was originally told I would need braces, I wasn’t too bothered. I just wanted to get them over and done with, preferably rather quickly.

2 years later, I have metal glued to my teeth.

Going into the orthodontists practice, I didn’t really know what to expect. I mean, I had an idea, but I didn’t know how much of it was true; I’d heard some pretty awful ‘horror stories’ about the whole ordeal, and others saying they weren’t too fussed about it.

On the first appointment, I was not expecting to have some sort of photo-shoot, although I knew about the moulds and x-rays, which weren’t particularly enjoyable either.

Upon the 2^nd appointment, I was told I was to have two teeth out; 1 on either side on the upper row. I hadn’t had teeth out before, so once again, I didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, although on the second time, the dentist had to wiggle more, leaving a bigger hole from the root of the tooth. It wasn’t particularly painful, just uncomfortable and awkward, and pretty grim to eat on.

But I made a miraculous recovery (hooray), just in time to get my top brace on. Not much of a reward, if I’m honest. Although, as I said before, I didn’t know what to expect, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The worst bit was probably the fact the orthodontist put all the tools together over my head, right in front of my face; not the most tactical approach.

When he was finished, he handed me a mirror to have a look at my new brace. I groaned. Rather loudly. This made him laugh, which didn’t make me feel much better. He sent me off with some dental wax, a rather depressing leaflet and a card for the next appointment.

Now, a few days after having my brace on, I’m starting to get used to the feeling of metal under my lip. There are some sharp, spikey parts which can be sorted with a little dental wax, and my gums ache a lot, but overall, it’s better than I expected it to be pain and discomfort wise. I am, however, not so happy with the look of the braces. I always knew they weren’t exactly going to be pretty, but now dreams (or nightmares) have become reality and I’m not enjoying it. I just hope other people aren’t as aware of them as I am.

I keep trying to think about the positives of this whole experience, like the ‘Hollywood Smile’ I’ll have at the end when the braces are off, or how they give me an excuse to force my mum to buy plenty of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I keep trying to convince myself that time will fly and before I know it, my teeth will be straight and the braces can come off. I think I’d better keep wishing on that one though.

Another good thing is the amount of experienced friends I have; plenty. Most of my close friends either have a brace, or used to, and I think I’m annoying them with all my questions about do’s and don’ts, and general advice.

Hopefully it will all blow over soon, and I won’t be able to remember not having a brace, just this weird achy tension. 

Sales Assistants

At first glance they seem to have a pretty basic, mediocre job, with nothing special required. But today I realised that sometimes shopping assistants are actually pretty specialised, depending on which company they work for.

Today, my family travelled to Ambleside to hunt down some kit for my Duke of Edinburgh expeditions, as a sleeping bag and mat might come in handy for those inevitable freezing, soaking nights in the middle of nowhere.

In Blacks, one of Ambleside’s many trekking and hiking shops, I was trying on a ridiculously oversized rucksack when a sales person came over and asked if we were alright and if we needed any help. We then spent a good hour or so going through rucksacks, sleeping bags and mats and their pros and cons; all of which this little man knew. He could list of the top of his head which ones he would recommend for specific situations, along with all the facts and figures.

It struck me that this is quite a skill to have, and I never really noticed it before.

Some shops require very low levels of intelligence to be a floor assistant, but some companies require employees to know a lot about their particular stock. I don’t know why I never noticed this before, but it’s actually quite remarkable to think about now I have realized.

It is quite a talent to be good humoured, helpful, a people person and know a whole lot of specific information by memory. I couldn’t do it.

That’s another thing; it is important, as a sales assistant, to be in a constant good mood. And when some customers are downright rude to you and very uncooperative, I can imagine this makes maintaining a convincing smile very hard indeed.

What I’m trying to say is a lot of sale assistants are unsung heroes of the shopping world.

There are of course, those few adolescents who could not be more unhelpful and bad-mannered and stand chewing gum as they literally watch you struggle to choose which item to buy. But I am glad to say most assistants are like the man in Blacks today, courteous and helpful, and willing to help you choose the item best for you without trying to get you to buy the most expensive creation in the shop.

Basically, I think the world would be a much better place if everyone was at least something like the little man from Blacks in Ambleside.

“I Wish I’d Said This Instead Of That”

It’s something we all do; wish we’d said something else, or maybe nothing at all. One single sentence or even a solitary word can completely change the conversation, sometimes for good, but predominantly for bad.

There are so many examples I could use, but I think we all have ample situations to choose from and recall. For me, personally, I like to look up to Miranda Hart, a fantastic British comedian.

She’s written an autobiography type thing called ‘Is It Just Me?’ about how she blunders through life, wondering if anyone else goes through the same travesties as she does. One of the more prominent themes in mistakes she makes are what she says, and when.

And it’s not just her; it is definitely something we all do. Perhaps you were in the heat of a fiery argument and said something you instantly regretted? Or maybe you wish you’d worded something better?

But, to be honest, I’m glad I say stupid things all the time; I learn from them. Although I may not be so overly delighted at the time, I’m usually grateful later on, if a little embarrassed at my very own self. These experiences are one of the biggest lessons in life, in my opinion. I think they seriously help in day to day situations; from the two examples I stated before, the argument and the wording, both can be helped, or prevented.

I think if you remember the guilt and how bad you felt after saying something in a fight with anyone, you might be able to stop yourself from repeating your mistake. The same theory applies for the wording; remembering the remorse from previous incidents could prevent you from offending anyone with your unintentionally rubbish word choice.

So, do I wish I could go back in time and change certain things I’ve said or done?

No.

Because there’s no point. The decisions you make when you’re younger affect you later on. Isn’t that the whole point? So I prefer to deal with consequences of my earlier choice of words, and learn from my feelings whilst dealing with consequences, to put to use in future potentially disastrous situations. Maybe I can teach other people my fantastic conversation saving skills.

I really doubt that though. I have no social skills. What so ever. I think I’d do them more damage than good.

I wasn't particularly happy with this entry but I needed to do something and I've spent over an hour on it and this is the best I could get from myself. Hopefully I shall regain my 'inspiration' soon.

Communication

Last weekend, I was down in Wigan, at a regional gathering. There were another 6 throughout the UK; one in Bristol, Brighton, Birmingham, Edinburgh and one in Wales and Northern Ireland.

These things are more for Mum, and are supposed to be religious, but I like to go as I get to meet a lot of new people, who are incredible talented and generally lovely, as well as catch up with people I haven’t seen since the summer.

I was the youngest person in my group, and the discussions were generally about my age group, talking about how important junior youth are for the future, how ‘a reservoir of capacity lies within’ us. (I’m actually quite proud I remembered that quote.)

However, one of the discussions was directed more towards community building and in light of recent tragic events, I found this particularly hard to talk about in front of about 15 people I’d never met before.

I couldn’t help but think that if communities within schools, neighbourhoods, families, friends and clubs were tighter and more trusting and open, people who aren’t entirely happy would have someone they could talk to about any problems and struggles they may be dealing with, instead of suffering in silence.

I’ve never had to deal with someone taking their own life before, and even though I wasn’t particularly close to Helena, I was deeply upset by her death. When it came to talking about community building at Wigan, I got very emotional over the possibility that if communities were closer, Helena would still be with us, having someone to talk to and help her.

Helena was beautiful, talented, gifted, friendly, kind, dedicated, and always surrounded by friends, a big smile on her face. But deep down she was troubled and unhappy, and I keep thinking that we wouldn’t have lost such a talent if she had found someone to talk to, to trust.

How many other people are going through this? It’s a question I can’t shake off.

It doesn’t take much to build up a strong community, so long as you are willing to work at it. 

For Helena

O

Lord, O Thou Whose mercy hath encompassed all, Whose forgiveness is transcendent, Whose bounty is sublime, Whose pardon and generosity are all-embracing, and the lights of Whose forgiveness are diffused throughout the world! O Lord of Glory! I entreat Thee, fervently and tearfully, to cast upon Thy Handmaiden who hath ascended unto Thee the glances of the eye of Thy mercy. Robe her in the mantle of Thy grace, bright with the ornaments of the celestial Paradise, and, sheltering her beneath the tree of Thy oneness, illumine her face with the lights of Thy mercy and compassion.

                Bestow upon Thy heavenly handmaiden, O God, the holy fragrances born of the spirit of Thy forgiveness. Cause her to dwell in a blissful abode, heal her griefs with the balm of Thy reunion, and, in accordance with Thy will, grant her admission to Thy holy Paradise. Let the angels of Thy loving-kindness descend successively upon her, and shelter her beneath Thy blessed Tree. Thou art, verily, the Ever-Forgiving, the Most Generous, the All-Bountiful.

-‘Abdu’l-Bahá

                

Spending and Saving

We always have to save a little and spend a little, but some people have trouble balancing the two, especially with rising prices for the basic day to day necessities.

I think we find this out at a very early age, be it from observing parents, or managing pocket money. As we grow older, we have to pay for more things, some elementary, such as bills or food, and some more secondary, like gifts and technology.

I asked my Grandma if she had anything to say about budgeting and spending as a retired person in today’s economy. She responded with a very balanced, thought-through answer, saying “There is no typical teenager and in the same way, there is no typical pensioner” before continuing on to say “Fortunately for me, I get other pension money, both from my work and Granddad's work, to add to my Government pension and that allows me to be comfortably off as long as there are no big emergencies.”

“In terms of budgeting, most of the work had been done when we were younger:-

 We both had jobs where we didn't get some of our salary and it went instead into saving for a pension so that when we stopped working we carried on getting a (smaller but adequate) sum from our previous employers.

So far, my pensions have kept on coming, so I have been luckier than some people who paid in just as I did, but whose pension providers went broke and so they lost what they had saved. Other unlucky things have been, for example, houses washed away in floods.”

Grandma also talked about how being comfortable financially often comes down to luck; if your life is riddled with expensive accidents and damage costs, it’s going to be harder to be well-off than someone who is careful and avoids damaging weather etc.

As a teenager, I don’t have to keep up with electricity bills or how much the latest trip to ASDA costs, like my parents do. Although my ‘needs’ (for want of a better word) are not important and may be considered shallow, they do still exist.

Some teenagers do earn a small amount of money and a typical, hypothetical teenager may worry about whether they’ll be able to afford an album or some new jeans, concerned about whether their allowance or wages will cover this. So even from a fairly early age, we’re learning about what works when it comes to spending and saving; which costs are priorities, which ones come second, and how to manage everything.

I think it is getting harder to keep up with costs, as prices are rising all the time, money becoming thinner. In some ways it’s a learning curve, but not everyone can keep pace with the escalating expenditures.