Chances

 

Generally, I like to think I’m quite a forgiving person; I can never hold a grudge. I can try, but usually drop the barrier relatively quickly.

Therefore, I think I’m quite a generous person when it comes to forgiving and giving people second (or third or fourth) chances. I can never really bring myself to sort people out if they’re causing me a problem. Either I’m too nice, or I’m a wuss.

There’s a boy who sits behind me in physics, considered by many as a bête noire, who has recently been swiping and touching my back with his pen or his hands, and I really really don’t like being by back being poked and prodded and tickled, especially when I’m not expecting it. So I jerk about, wriggling. I just have a sensitive back. But this, of course, is the reaction the boy is looking for, and so he keeps doing it. It’s really annoying, and every time I tell him to stop, he tells me to go away, except with a few swear words in the mix. Lovely. It has got to the point where I feel uncomfortable with him behind me, and I find myself tensing up and jumping at nothing, I just think he’s poking me. I should do something about it but I just can’t bring myself to do it, for several reasons; I don’t want to cause my teacher a problem, I don’t want to inflict the boy on anyone else, and I’m scared he’ll find another way to rile me up. And I’m a wuss.

I suppose this weakness is also a strength, however, because it means I get along with pretty much everyone, because I manage to hide my aversion - or in some cases, hatred – towards them. I think I’m actually quite a mean person, I just cover it up. That’s really bad, isn’t it?

Anways, after that little tangent…

I should probably start to stand up for myself a little more, as it think it’s something I need to develop if I’m going to get anywhere later on in life; my mum usually wins all my ‘fights’ for me, righting the things I’m too nice to sort out myself. I usually try to discourage her from helping me, in fact.

I was very tempted to draw on this lads head, when he put his head on the desk and went to sleep (whilst we were supposed to be working) but I decided against it. I don’t want to give him a reason to carry on making me uncomfortable. I’m just lily-livered, I suppose.

This was a rather odd article, I think, and I don’t think it reads too well. But I’ve written it now, and I don’t want to just delete it!